


Honest

by scribblemoose



Series: Admission [8]
Category: Saiyuki
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-05
Updated: 2013-11-05
Packaged: 2017-12-31 13:13:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1032099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scribblemoose/pseuds/scribblemoose
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sanzo asks Gojyo a dangerous question.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Honest

Gojyo lay on a cheap motel bed at Sanzo's side, and blew a long, smooth plume of smoke towards the ceiling. He felt languid and relaxed, and really rather pleased with himself.

"What's it like?" said Sanzo.

"You're gonna have to narrow it down," said Gojyo. "There's a lot of stuff in the world I know about that you don't."

"Is that right?" Sanzo's sarcasm was tangible.

"That thing I did with my tongue just now, for example. Pretty sure you hadn't heard of that before."

Sanzo sighed heavily, but Gojyo noticed the hint of a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. 

"What d'you want to know about, then? Something really pervy?"

Sanzo took a drag on his cigarette. "Hakkai. When he changes."

"Oh. Why?"

"Call it curiosity."

Gojyo rolled onto his side, head propped up on one elbow so he could watch Sanzo more closely. He was refusing eye contact, staring at the ceiling fan with a calculated nonchalance that Gojyo was all too familiar with.

His hair was so golden, so fine. His skin so pale.

"In youkai form, he's beautiful," Gojyo said, and Sanzo flinched. "Fucking terrifying, too. But beautiful."

"What does he look like?"

"Well, he gets the pointy ears. Quite long. Long and slender at the tip. Talons. Eyes go slitty and narrow and burn red. He seems taller. Terrifying, did I mention that?"

"Sounds pretty standard."

"Oh no. Anything but that. He's got these vines, they wrap around his body, and if he wants they can snake out. Do things. Kinda like tentacles in plant form."

"Plants?"

"It's scarier than it sounds. It's like… it's Hakkai. But it's Hakkai with the chains unlocked. It's Hakkai in a stage of pure, cold anger. It's all the bits of Hakkai that he usually keeps so tight and close and under control. It's Hakkai with all the rage about his sister right there on the surface, as pure and cold as the day he turned."

Sanzo stared and smoked and gave nothing away.

"It's there all the time, really," Gojyo continued. "That's the weird thing. I look at him sometimes and I can see it, that youkai inside him, ready to rip someone apart, all that power. And I can see how much it costs him to keep those limiters on."

"You love him."

Out of the blue, just like that. Gojyo hesitated for no more than a second.

"I guess."

"All of him. Youkai and human. All of him."

"Yeah. Yeah, I love him. So what?"

Sanzo said nothing. Just stared up, sucked in smoke.

"Are you jealous, Sanzo-sama?" 

Sanzo snorted. "Don't be ridiculous."

Sanzo had this tell; the faintest twitch of a muscle in his cheek. 

"You're jealous."

"No."

Twitch.

Gojyo smiled.

"You're blind," Sanzo said. "That's dangerous."

"I trust people. Some people. I trust Hakkai. What's life worth if you can't trust anyone?"

Sanzo turned his head to look at Gojyo, eyes squinting against the smoke from his cigarette. "Longer," he said.

There was a lot more in Sanzo's eyes than he was saying. Vulnerability. Pain. Uncertainty.

"It's not like that," Gojyo said. "You've got nothing to worry about."

"You're talking bullshit," Sanzo said.

Gojyo knew there was nothing he could say that would ease Sanzo's fears. He'd rather die than admit his feelings. 

Gojyo shoved his cigarette end in the empty beer can by the bed, and rolled over so he was lying over Sanzo. He kissed him, half expecting Sanzo to push him away. But he didn't. He lay pliant, calm, actually letting Gojyo go the soft, languid way for once. Gojyo shifted again, straddling Sanzo's hips, leaning over him so his hair brushed Sanzo's face. Sanzo opened his eyes and for one fleeting second there was honesty. Understanding. 

Then Sanzo tugged Gojyo down by his hair, and kissed him hard. Savagely. Thrust his hips up into Gojyo's. He was hard already. Rock hard.

 _Here we go again,_ thought Gojyo. 

"Problem?" said Sanzo.

"Whatever you want, Sanzo-sama," said Gojyo, and reached for the lube.

 

_~owari~_


End file.
